Week Eleven

Welcome back for another installment of the epic tale of Wilde Oates.

When last we left off Wilde was sent off to a party thrown by Megan Landgraab, one of his numerous daughters.

It wouldn’t be a party without some drama!

Sandi Bunch: No, I will not give you my number.  You are my BROTHER!

Demond Landgraab: Whoa, sorry!  I didn’t recognize you from behind!

Kendall Wan: Dude, that guy just tried picking up his sister.

Lukas Crumplebottom-Steel (with ponytail): Dude, she’s everyone’s sister.

Where was Megan while her party was falling apart on the lawn?  In bed sleeping.  You might recognize this room from Week Six.  Wilde was very nearly jumped by Geoffrey and Malcolm Landgraab here.

You know it’s time to go home when the old woman at the party tries to get in your pants.

River: Hey Wilde, how about you and I go upstairs and relive our younger days?

Wilde: Hey, that’s sounds like fun, River.  Why don’t you head upstairs and get ready. I’ll be up in a few minutes.

River: OH-KAY!

Nice crazy face, River.

River ran upstairs as fast as her elderly body could manage.

And Wilde ran to his car and drove home.

Wilde: Let’s get the Hell out of here, Jamie.

Wilde would rather spend the night with his treadmill than warming an old woman’s bed.

As Wilde was making his escape Darlene gave birth.  Jeramie…I’ve never seen it spelled that way before.

During Wilde’s run I decided to scan the town.

I found this at the Market.  It looks as though Kristoffer McGraw’s face is melting off.

Reid Bachelor: *gasp* I hope that isn’t contagious.

Across the street The Grind closed. 

Tracy Alto: (to Madison) Ooo, I would love to paint a nude of you. 

Esmeralda Hatch: OMGIMGONNAPUKE!

Megan Donnor-Sw0rd: Llama saliva, he’s going to starve!  No one is going to buy a nude painting of Madison (VanWatson) Bachelor. 

But perhaps this painting would be for Tracy’s “personal” collection?

And at the Art Gallery Bella decides she is tired of being pregnant.

Looks like this is as good a time as any to have the baby.

What do you do when you’re across the street from the hospital and you go into labor?

You go home, of course.  *shakes head* sims… 

And then I find this outside the theater.  Something makes me think they could be on a date.  *cue cheesy soap opera music*

Annette Alto: Don’t turn away from me. Edgar; look at me.

Edgar Kimura:  Damn your eyes, Annette.  You know I can’t resist you!

Annette: I don’t want to hide how I feel anymore, Edgar.  I want the world to know of our love.

Edgar: But, Annette, you’re my sister!

Annette: Yes, Edgar, I’m your sister, and I love you!

I left when Edgar’s thoughts because uncomfortably inappropriate.  I will save my readers from the taste of bile in their throats.

That was quick (not really), welcome Jerad!

When 7:00 am finally rolled around I forced Wilde off the treadmill.  There’s baby makin’ to be done!

I think it’s clear by their thought bubble what is about to happen here.

Darlene and Wilde shared a kiss and Stacie Bunch-Hart got angry.

Darlene: Wilde and I are going to go up to my room.

Staci: No, Mom, not with him!

And as Darlene and Wilde start making out again Carina Bunch-Hart came over to glower.

And as Carina began to lecture her elders Bill Bunch-Hart came over to to cast his disapproving stare.  Bill, while not as ugly as a Bunch, is still clearly a Bunch.

Carina: Ahem…I would-

Staci: Allow me, Carina.

Staci casually walked over to Wilde and told him to keep it in his pants.

Darlene: STACI, do not talk to your father that way!

Wilde was starting to get bored.  If he wasn’t going to get some action soon he was going to leave.

Finally Darlene got her act together and met Wilde in the bathroom for some good clean fun.

Cornell Bunch-Hart walked in on the randy couple.  Darlene was left to do the walk of shame while Wilde did the stride of pride on his way to Bella’s house.

Now, if you will remember form the last update; Bella has developed a heart under her friendship bar.  This means when Wilde show up on her doorstep we should have a very Sandyesque confrontation.  Go on, go get your popcorn; I’ll wait.

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Jeez, it took you long enough.  Did you have to grow the corn and churn your own butter?

Ohhh, are you guys excited?  I know I am.  Look at that crazed expression on Bella’s face!

  Wut?

Bella has become a disappointment.  Also, she must be on the pill because there was no lullaby. 

Because Wilde has no where else to be, I sent him off to find Christopher Steel.  Meanwhile, I scan the town.

I’ve never before noticed this strange birthmark on Mark McGraw’s face.  The man must wear makeup to cover it.

Ugly man Arlo Bunch has done the impossible and become even uglier.  Look at the size of his face!  It’s like a small Easter Island Statue.

The Bunch family must have been the inspiration for these statues.  Their ancestors that is.

As Wilde waited for Christopher to get out of work he checked out this young French tourist’s ass.

No, Wilde, she is off limits!

Over at the park  Betsy Wainwright-Sekemoto has the same strange marking on her face.  Something is happening to the cops in this town!  Possibly some sort of classified RoboCop-type program?  Abigail (who has a new look now that she’s an adult) must be Betsy’s doctor/scientist buddy.

Abigail Hatch: Try not to act too much like a robot, Betsy.  The point is to blend in.

Betsy: Confirmed.

Mortimer Goth was being weird on the other side of the park.  Nice outfit, dude.

Mortimer: Go away!  I want to be alone among the flowers!

Sad day.  Bella’s uterus has become a prune.  So long Bella, you were…useful?  Well, your ute was anyway.

At the theater Annette sadly waited for Edgar.  Looks like she’d been waiting a while.

O.o  Looks like Edgar pissed off the wrong sim!

Annette: *mumbles* Bastard stood me up.  NO ONE stands me up!

Then she got into her car and disappeared in a cloud of dust.

Curious, I followed her.  She went to the beach where she propositioned Quinn Bachelor.

Annette: I was just stood up and I’m looking for someone to take me home.

Quinn: Ehhh…

Annette: Look, I’m on the rebound here.  Are you going to take me to bed or not?

Quinn: Well, here’s the thing.  You’re my sister…

Annette: Grrr…  I guess I’m not getting laid tonight.

Back to Wilde.  Christopher Steel finally left work.  When he noticed Wilde his night was instantly ruined. 

Wilde: Mission accomplished…

Britney showed up and Wilde invited her over to his place.

Wilde: You look like garbage without your weave.

Brittney: You’re harsh words make tears pour from my eyes as rain pours from a cloud.

Wilde: What?

They decided to go out to the love tub where Derrick was because he had just BROKEN IT AGAIN!

Wilde and Brittney shared a kiss in front of Derrick and his reality came crashing down around him again.  Poor Derrick…break the hot tub again and I will be forced to taunt you a second time!

This is funny.  Derrick back-handed Brittney.

Wilde: Hmmm…  That’s nice…

Brittney: Macaroni-head!

Derrick: WHORE!

Derrick – 1 Brittney – 0

After the confrontation by the broken hot tub, Derrick decided to visit the bathroom.  He knows the shower is Wilde’s second favorite place to woohoo (this guy likes to woohoo in water).  By the look on Derrick’s face he was planning to stay in there a while.  I canceled the action and sent him off to the pool; he will not be messing with Wilde’s game today!

Two seconds later…

Three minutes later…

Brittney (sporting a fresh weave): Well, should we go to bed now?

Wilde: Bed?  LOL.  It’s time for you to go home.

Before I sent Wilde off to the treadmill I noticed Derrick took the car with him to the pool.  He better hope Wilde doesn’t find out how he’s violated Jamie.

As Wilde ran through the night I scoped out the town.  I found this in the Ursine house.

Oh…  Nothing to see here.

Monday morning and all the women (Brittney, Darlene, Sandi and Yusun) are all pregnant. 

Wilde’s man-maid, Thaddeus Jacob, showed up for work FINALLY!  Seriously, it’s been weeks.

Thaddeus: Duuuuuuude. you are my hero!

Thaddeus: Whaddya think, you wanna share with ol’ Thaddeus here?

Wilde: Get in there and clean my throne, boy.  Then go home.

Thaddeus forgot to clean the toilet.

He is Wilde’s man-maid no longer.

Thaddeus ruined Wilde’s chances with Sandi.  Luckily she was already pregnant and zero days away from aging into an elder. Wilde’s still got game.

To apologize I had Wilde take Sandi out for lunch.  While there Cyrus and Madison broke up.  I’m wondering if Madison let Tracy Alto paint that nude of her and when Cyrus found out it ruined their relationship.  It’s sad when brothers ruin each other’s relationships.

After Wilde’s lunch was over he told Sandi to find her own way home because I spotted Christopher Steel at the bookstore!  Wilde scared the ever-loving crap out of him.  It was loud…Wilde’s roar was too.

Cyrus Hart-Wan is clearly depressed.  The signs are all there from not caring about what he is dressed in to urinating on the lawn of the library.

Later, Madison showed up at the library and Cyrus though of throwing a book at her.

Nothing else happened at the library so I sent Wilde home for his nightly run.

Tuesday morning Yusun gives Wilde another daughter, Haeju.  I honestly have no idea how to pronounce that name.  Does the J have an English J sound?  Does it have a Y sound or an H sound?  Hay-jew, Hay-who or Hay-you?  I like the idea of it being Hey-you, because Yusun ran out of names for her children.  (My husband doesn’t laugh at my jokes and it depresses me.)

Wilde’s Childbirth ESP went off and he had Yusun upstairs and in bed before uterus returned to it’s rightful size.  Yusun never says no.

At the market I noticed Mortimer Goth turned into and elder.  Nice cane.

I forgot to her her name, but clearly this daughter of Wilde has a problem with the elder Mortimer.

Erica Landgraab: Can’t you take your moth-ball-stink somewhere else?

Just in case anyone forgot this is a Family Man Challenge.  Looks like Rian French may be plotting his baby sister’s murder.  By the way, Wilde was at the French-Alvi house because Sandi is due to have her baby.

LOOK!  It’s like I planned it. 

Sandi: AAAHHHHHHH!!!

Jeff French:  Mom, does this mean you’re not making dinner?!!?  I’m hungry!!!

Sandi: HOO HOO HEE

Courtney French: No way, Mom!  You’re not making dinner?!?

Sandi: Would you shut up about dinner!

Elsa French: Jeez, I can’t believe you didn’t make dinner!

Sandi: Gah! Go to the diner!

Elsa French: Oh please, Mother, no one wants to get intestinal worms.

Sofia French-Alvi: Mother, could you please tell your son to get his head out of my crotch.

Brannon French-Alvi: *can’t hear anything*

Wilde wasted no time at all.

Rian French: Oh great, she’s going to get knocked up again.

Sofia French-Alvi: Whoa, someone stop that from happening!

They woohooed in the shower.  I doubt there was a jingle because Sandi has zero days before her elder birthday.  But I can’t say for sure because my volume was off. I sent Wilde home to his treadmill, he could do nothing more in the French-Alvi house.

Wednesday morning I noticed Pumba Darlene Bunch turned elder.

I noticed a cluster of sims at the market and sent Wilde there.  Felipe Bunch clearly has daddy-issues.

Felipe: Where were you all of my youth?

Oh look, Arlo Bunch showed up incognito in his lifejacket and aviator sunglasses.

Later that night I sent Wilde off to The Grind.  He sat down to have some nachos when Christopher walked by.

Wilde: *is satisfied*

Wilde finished his nachos and started to levitate.

Wilde: Will you look at that…pixie dust!

Everyone gathered around to watch their father die.

Christopher: So long, asshole!

Wilde greeted Death, he was ready to go.  (And I have been waiting for him to go.)

Then he jumped in his urn.

Christopher Steel: Well…I will sleep well tonight.

Everyone else: Oh noes!

Wilde died at 102 with 717,701 LTH points and 252 children (I think, it could be more)! 

No children this week, I’m in the process of making them all Young Adults.  Then I plan to overhaul the Children page with family trees for Wilde and his women.

I hope you enjoyed the drama that is was Wilde’s life.  He didn’t live as long as I thought he would, but I has stopped granting him wishes because they were all about his children.  I think in time I will give this another shot in a town populated with Simselves.  Note To Self: Find and download more Simselves.

 

THE END