This week started off with Wilde on the treadmill, working hart to live longer. And UGH, I forgot how hard it is to play with all of this lag!
Once the clock struck seven I sent Wilde over to the only non pregnant female sim’s home: Kaylynn Landgraab.
That’s Tyler Langerak, Wilde and Kaylynn’s first child together. He wants to be just like his father. He’ll need to move to another town first.
Sending Wilde over to Kaylynn’s house didn’t go over well. Since it was a Sunday all the kids were home. Wilde and Kaylynn could not get it on! There were children in every room and they would not be shooed away! Wilde finally invited Kaylynn home with him.
Where they promptly got it on and Derrick walked in to see what was happening.
Kaylynn was not happy to see Derrick in the room when they came out from beneath the sheets and she blamed Wilde. Here she is spreading her arms trying to intimidate Wilde by making herself look larger, like an angry bear. Give it three days Kaylynn, you’ll be as big as a house.
Wilde: Maybe you should go home and cool off a bit.
Wilde had to get her out of his house. His Childbirth ESP had just tingled and he needed to get to Darlene’s house.
But first Wilde felt the need to attack Derrick for his attempted cock-blocking. Look at those shocked anime eyes. Don’t cry Derrick, Wilde is just grumpy because I won’t buy him a cane.
It looks like he’s pleading for my help! I almost feel sorry for him, but he decided to move in here all on his own. (Not really.)
Wilde then left the house and drove over to Darlene’s where he was greeted by their daughter Staci. Her haircut look like she battled a pair of scissors and lost.
As Wilde walked into the house Jamie (Jolina) Bunch died. Wilde felt a tinge of sadness before he remembered there was work to be done.
Unfortunately, Darlene snuck out the back of the house as Wilde walked in. So he called her up and invited her out on a date to the theater!!! Oh, how I have missed Wilde, not the lag though. I have not missed the lag.
Joyce Crumplebottom-Steel was there and recognized her father immediately. I don’t know what kind of movies they feature at this theater, but that guy has a baby in his pocket!
Anyway, Wilde and Darlene went into the theater and found a dark corner somewhere and got. it. on!
When Darlene and Wilde left I received the above pop up. I think we all know Barrett is just trying to save face. We all know what Darlene was doing in that movie theater with Wilde! Life must be hard for poor Barrett, not only is he stuck wit one of the ugliest sims in Sunset Valley. But he’s married to his father’s AND half-brother’s sloppy seconds.
As Wilde returned home Bella gave birth. Wilde got right back into his car and drove over to her house.
I’d forgotten how easy these women are. Wilde is so screwed when that reputation system kicks in.
Wilde followed Bella up to the bathroom where they did it in the shower. I love that they can now do it in the shower. With all of these over crowded houses it makes Wilde’s life much easier.
After a successful impregnation Wilde went home to his treadmill.
Monday nothing really happened. No babies were born and no one was impregnated. I spend most of the day trying to get Wilde into the school to present a check! It took all day.
He came home to Derrick passed out on the floor.
During Wilde’s nightly cardio routine I received this pop up. Looks like Jeremiah is helping to rid Pauline of her cobweb problem.
Anyone else a little worried there may be subliminal messages in his music? If he starts writing books I’m going to get nervous.
Early Tuesday morning Lisa (Bunch) McGraw gave birth.
7:00 am rolled around and I sent Wilde to her house. He wasn’t granted access until 1:30 pm because of llllllaaaaaaaagggggg… *rips at hair*
Is it just me or is Lisa really starting to look hideous? I mean, she’s nothing like her sister, but she’s still been beat with an ugly stick.
Widle: We should go upstairs and embarrass your children.
Notice Widle never claims his children.
Danielle was on the floor by the bed effectively blocking Wilde’s way. Sims can walk over toys, but he can’t step over a freaking infant? I had to break a self-imposed unofficial rule: I had Wilde pick up his daughter.
Then Lisa’s daughter, Jenny walks in! GET OUUUUUUT!!! Get out!
Wilde: Look, this really shouldn’t be a family affair. I really don’t perform well when there is an audience.
Poor Wilde, he’s already making excuses for “issues.” Someone should introduce him to that little blue pill called Viagra.
Wilde ever so gently placed his infant daughter on. the. floor.
Wilde and Lisa moved into the neighboring bathroom to continue with their “relations.” Notice they both are having lingering thought of the baby. Perhaps they were feeling a little guilty about ignoring her or leaving her on the hall floor, but it didn’t stop them from getting it on in the shower.
Oh look, another child was born freeing up another womb! Fear not, Brittney, before your uterus can shrink back to it’s original size Wilde will have left his seed in you!
(Was that a little too much?)
Once there Wilde couldn’t wait to get down to business. He was left waiting on the stoop until this one Regina Morris came home.
Because Brittney was far too involved in her book to bother with the door. She’s forgotten that she’s on my shit list. She better hope Wilde dies before she becomes an elder; that’s all I have to say.
Upon entering the home, Wilde was greeted by a Brittney that PRETENDED NO TO KNOW HIM! Again with this?
Brittney: Oh, hello. it’s so nice to meet you.
Wilde: Umm, yeah, hello, I’m the father of your children and siblings.
Alright that is gross.
After the introduction things proceeded like they known each other since she was a child and she invited him to her shower. I can’t believe I just typed that…
Brittney: Would you like to see how it works? I could show you.
Karissa was not happy to walk into the bathroom at that particular moment.
Karissa: You disgust me.
Wilde: Don’t hate the player; hate the game.
Lame, Wilde, that is so lame!
Brittney exited the shower and was immediately regretful.
Brittney: What did I just do?
Wilde: yeah, I get that a lot.
Yusun gave Wilde another boy!
It was too late to bless the other ladies (Sandi and Yusun) with children. Wilde went home and spent the rest of the night with his treadmill.
I decided to check out how things were happening around town when I spotted Lisa (Bunch) McGraw leaving the market with a toddler clinging to her for dear life!
Griselda Wan: Wow, look at that. She’s like a baby koala.
Wednesday: Wilde ran until precisely 7:00 am then he went over to Yusun’s house on a mission. Mission: Impregnation.
Check it out, I finally gave Yusun her old hairstyle again. Yay for me!
As soon as Wilde and Yusun entered the house and started making out. Her brother threw a bitch-fit! It seems that Yusun is in a relationship with some guy. Like that even matters to me Wilde. With a red dagger over his head, Ahmad ran over to Yusun and backhanded her like he was her pimp!
Ahmad: Did you forget about (some guy)! I can’t believe I witnessed this!!
To add insult to injury Yusun’s sister Marilyn followed suit.
Marilyn: Snap out of it, Yusun! What would Mother do?
Listening to her sister’s words, Yusun did exactly what her mother would have done. Cheeks still stinging she went upstairs and met Wilde in her room.
Yusun: Th-They attacked me…
Wilde: *is no listening*
Yusun: Can you make the pain go away?
Wilde: For about three minutes. I’ve got to be somewhere after this.
Wilde had to get his butt over to Sandi French-Alvi’s house and knock her up too.
Ready for a badly written/acted soap opera?
Wilde: You know why I’m here, Sandi.
Sandi: …yes, I do…
Wilde: Turn around, Sandi.
Sandi: *turns* Oh Wilde, I can’t fight it anymore. Be gentle with me…
Then Wilde and Sandi did it in the shower while Elsa sat on the couch with Thorton Wolff staring at a broken TV. Weird.
Before Wilde and Sandi were through Kaylynn (Langerak) Landgraab had her child.
Then Darlene and Bella had their babies. Thursday looks like a busy day for Wilde. Seriously, with all this lag Wilde can only manage to get 2-3 ladies pregnant a day.
Thursday morning around 7:00 am Wilde jumped off the treadmill and moodlet managed himself to a happy place then drover over to Darlene Bunch-Hart’s place. He had baby making to do and Darlene was looking forward to it!
Dewayne and Eve Landgraab did the best cock blocking they could by crying in unison.
Enjoy the pic spam:
Finally Wilde was granted access into Kaylynn’s pants house and he ruins it by nearly wetting his pants.
Wilde: This is your fault; you and your diaper!
And was then distracted and roped into a conversation by his daughter Susanne Landgraab. No time, Wilde, NO TIME! You still have to visit Bella today!
Move over Theater, Wilde’s new favorite spot seems to be the shower.
Wilde: Jeez, I have got to take a leak! Wait for the shower, wait for the shower…
Okay, gross… Hey, there’s a Seinfeld episode about that!
Wilde didn’t make it to the shower or toilet, but I don’t think Kaylynn noticed. She had other problems.
Finally! And there was a lullaby. Now, how to explain that puddle by the door?
Before he had to explain the pee puddle by the door Wilde was dressed and out the door on his way to Bella’s house.
Bella’s son Feisal Sekemoto (not to be confused with Feisal Wainwright-Sekemoto, the late Blair Wainwright-Sekemoto’s son) started to cause a bit of trouble.
Feisal: BOOOOO! Wilde Oates, you’re publicly disgraced!
Wilde has been getting those stupid moodlets for having children out of wedlock. Like he cares!
Bella: Feeeeeisaaaaal, What are you trying to do?! Don’t you ruin this for me!
Bella’s eyes are scary!
Bella: Don’t you have an after school activity or job? Get out of here!
After Feisal was forced to leave home, Bella and Wilde ended up in the bedroom. Before they could get down to business Bella had some concerns.
Bella: Does the downstairs plumbing still work?
Wilde: What? you want me to check your plumbing? I’m not a handyman, I’m IMPREGNATOR MAN, HERE TO SPREAD MY SEED!
Bella: No, does your downstairs plumbing work?
Wilde: You mistake me for a lesser man! My Jimmie Johnson is always ready to stand at attention.
I bet you wish you could unread that! They got it on like two honeymooning rabbits. There was a lullaby and Wilde went home to his treadmill.
Friday morning and all the women were still pregnant. Wilde used this opportunity to visit the children’s ward at the hospital. As Wilde was spending time with the children (not his own), drama was happening outside.
I’ll say they were.
I don’t know who started it, but Logan Jolina hauled off and slapped Bobbie McIrish!
Then Bobbie ran through her “I’m scared”
then “I’m pissed” actions three times
before giving him the hand and ending their fight. He lost interest during the second round.
I sent Wilde to the Theater lot to kill some time. Lo and behold Lisa (Bunch) McGraw went into labor! And just when I thought nothing was going to happen on Friday!
I decided to have Wilde take her to the hospital. Ever the gentleman, Wilde decided it was close enough to walk and ran a head of her. Not what I had in mind.
Do you see how far ahead of her he is? What a jerk!
Lisa: Wilde! WILDE, WAIT FOR ME!
Wilde: Where is she already. Doesn’t she realize she’s in labor?!
And here is where I like to think Lisa slapped Wilde upside his head as she waddled passed.
And instead of going into the hospital with her, he decided to stay outside and chat with Ayesha Ansari.
Wilde: She’ll be fine on her own. I was in there earlier, I don’t need to go in there again.
Ayesha: Why don’t you visit me anymore?
Wilde: Oh, whoa, hey, It’s not you. It’s just the thought of touching you… You know, now that you’re old. You understand?
Ayesha: I miss you…
Wilde was saved from any further conversation with Ayseha when Lisa exited the building with their new son.
Lisa: Don’t worry, I did everything on my own.
AND THEN he let her drive them home!
Wilde: *sigh* I sure am tired!
Lisa: *plots murder*
When they got to the McGraw home, Lisa’s son Mark was waiting.
Mark: Another one, Mom? Where is this one going to sleep?
Lisa: I was thinking this one would sleep in the laundry hamper.
Mark: Not the fireplace?
Lisa: No, that’s your brother, Vernon’s bed.
WHAT? You know it was Kaylynn! What a beeeotch! Of course, Wilde did leave her to clean up the puddle.
As soon as Lisa put the baby to bed Wilde made his move. What can I say, Lisa likes a man that takes charge.
You can see it here, but Lisa dropped the soap. She got pregnant again! And then Wilde ran home where he spent the rest of the night on his treadmill.
Looks like Brittney’s getting a visit in the morning!
In the wee hours of Saturday morning a fire broke out in the Donnor-Sw0rd home.
Cyclone and Faye Van Watson struggled to control the fire before the fire department could arrive.
Some how Tamara’s ass caught fire.
Tom” *deep baritone* AHHHHHHH!
Cyclone (off camera): I guess next time you’ll think twice about eating those beans!
Faye (off camera): Who farts on a match? Who does that?
Tamara ran through the house.
Tom: *deep baritone* Llama dung, I just put my arm through the door!
She ran to the shower and put out the fire in pants. I wonder if that is what Fire Crotch is like?
That’s was awesome, but let’s be honest it would have been better if Tamara had died…
At 7:00 that morning Wilde jumped off the treadmill and into his car, then he drove to Brittney’s house. When Brittney “answered” the door she pretended she didn’t see him and started chatting with one of her daughters.
You know, she is al ready in my list and she is not even trying to get into my good graces. Bitch is going down once she turns elder!
Finally Wilde was let in to chaos. Look at all the sims in there, that isn’t even all of them that live in this house! Too many teenagers. TOO MANY TEENAGERS!
Things did not work out in the bedroom. Not because Wilde couldn’t perform, but because there were TOO MANY TEENAGERS!
Wilde: How about we go to my place, kick Derrick out for a while and have some fun?
Brittney: Yeah…that sounds okay…
Bitch. is. going. DOOOOOWN!
On their way back to Wilde’s place Yusun gave birth. Wilde penciled her into his next available slot.
Wilde and Brittney went straight for the hot tub and got on with the baby making.
After I heard the lullaby and Wilde was about to ask Brittney to leave her daughter, Somer walked in!
Somer Morris: Nuh-uh, I do not agree with this!
Wilde: Well, who invited you? You can both leave, I have important people things to do.
After they left Wilde wasted no time and hurried over to Yusun. Yusun never keeps Wilde waiting.
Like I said, she never keeps Wilde waiting. They immediately went to the bedroom and shook the house like they were having a 9.0 earthquake!
Gonzalo Ursine (child): What the Hell is going on up there?
Joseph Ursine (toddler): *babbles*
Gonzalo: I’m going to go up there and see what’s happening.
Wesley: Why is Mom screaming? Did a 747 just land in the street?
Gonzalo: Not now, Wesley. I need to go take care of something.
Gonzalo angrily made his way up the stairs and to the bedroom.
Gonzalo: Mom! What are you wearing!!!
Yusun: Oh, Gonzalo, you should be downstairs with your siblings.
Gonzalo: *mumbles* I need to take care of something first.
Gonzalo: Hey! I have a bone to pick with you!
Wilde: Hehe, bone…
Gonzalo: *cries* What did you do to my mommy!!!
Wilde: Son, if I told you it would change you forever.
Gonzalo: *cracks back* You’re going to be sleeping with the fishes.
Wilde: I’ve heard that before…
Thankfully Yusun saved Wilde’s hide.
Yusun: Gonzalo, do not threaten your father.
Gonzalo: *is confused* Daddy?
Wilde: Whoa, what?
Needless to say after Gonzalo called Wilde ‘Daddy’ he took off. Something about responsibility leaves a bad taste in his mouth.
Before Wilde left the most amazing thing happed. Yusun stood in the corner and changed her clothes while holding her baby. I wish I’d had talent like that when my children were infants.
Because it was booming I sent Wilde to the local dive bar, Waylon’s Haunt.
Drama was happening outside the bar!
Erica Landgraab: Hey, heyheyhey. Wouldn’t it be great if we did it and I got pregnant with your baby!
Lydell Wainwright-Sekemoto: No, we’re related.
Erica: Wha? No, seriously. Seriouslyseriouslyseriously. We could do it right here, on this trashcan.
Trashcan: Oh no, please no.
Lydell: No, you’re my sister.
Erica: Hey, heyheyhey. Wha? No, seriously, seriouslyseriouslyseriously.
Lydell: NO! SERIOUSLY, YOU’RE MY SISTER!
Erica: WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?! I JUST WANT TO HAVE YOUR BABY!!!
Lydell: WHOA, whoa. Calm down, Erica…
Erica: KISS ME LYDELL AND GIVE ME YOUR BABY!!! *grabs for him* MMMUAH, MUAH!
Erica: Loser! We’re through. You won’t date anyone in this town, I’ll make sure of that!
Lydell: I can’t date anyone in this town anyway!
*sigh* I love crazy sims.
Inside, Clark Kent Edgar Kimura was playing the Cello to a gathering audience.
Natalia Andrews (far left): Oh yeah, if he wasn’t my brother I’d be all over him.
Nikolas Bachelor (far right): *awkwardly move away* I might make an exception for him…
Reisa Keaton: WOOOOOO! I LOVE CELLO! And for the record I do not have chest hair, it just looks that way.
Vanessa Kimura (red top): Don’t harsh on the mello cello.
Natalia Keaton: Inorite?
Bartender: Waddle it be?
Lydell: Gimme the hottest hot wings you’ve got. I’m going to stab them into my eyes and hope I can forget the things I‘ve seen and heard outside.
Vanessa: Ooo, sounds bad.
Erica: I can’t believe you’re airing our dirty laundry like this.
Nikolas: That bartender looks like a big guy. I wonder if I could get hi to come home with me.
Reisa went into the bar’s dirty bathroom to cry over the death of her husband.
Sandi gave birth and it was time for Wilde to leave the bar!
All Wilde had at the bar was onion rings. They must have been beer battered…
As soon as Wilde set food Sandi’s lot she stormed up to him. At first I thought this was rather cool, Wilde didn’t have to ring the doorbell and wait for an hour. It seemed Sandi was even more anxious than Yusun.
Then she went PSYCHO! She accused Wilde of being a cheater! ?!?!!? Whaaaat? No. Nononononononono! This can’t happen, not right now!
Oh Wilde, what has happened to you! Look at how sad he looks. He was all prepared to get some and she shot. him. down!
There was no option to apologize, though there was an option to ‘confess to ‘cheating,’ but come on, that is SO not Wilde’s style. I looked for the ‘Wilde Stallion’ option, but stupid EA left it out. They aren’t even going steady!
She put the baby down crawled all over his ass again. Wilde just stood there and took it like a man.
He tried to give her flowers. It works for most guys when they’re in the doghouse, it will work for Wilde too, right?
I thought I’d won when I used the Woohooer’s ‘Try for Baby’ option. They made out passionately.
Then her common sense kicked in and she blew up all over again.
I tried the ‘calm down’ option, that didn’t go well.
Wilde tried to invite her over and failed.
Sandi: YOU can go home ALONE!
Wilde went home humiliated…
And that was the end of Saturday and this update. In the next update we will see if Wilde can repair his reputation with Sandi and possibly the other ladies in town. And a big thanks to Generations (NOT) for messing up Wilde’s game.
At the end of this week Wilde had a total of 233 children, of the seven eligible ladies left six were pregnant. And Wilde was wearing a giant scarlet A.
Wilde is now at the end of his life bar. I can’t remember his age exactly, it’s like 92 or 93. Hopefully he will be able to live long enough to see the women hit menopause!
I do have a question for those of you that download Wilde’s children: Should I put up a list of CC content?
The following teens have become young adults this week (alphabetical order, by first name):
EDIT: If you want one for download leave a comment.
Glenn Hatch – This happened naturally. He looks like he probably lives in his mother’s basement.
Marianne Landgraab – I just noticed there is something wonky about the dress she is wearing (shoulders)
Salvador Andrews (This guy has a hug jaw.)
Tammie (Worm Lips) Wainwright-Sekemoto