I decided to start week seven off right. A quick wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am with Yusun Ursine.
Yusun: Wilde, are you here for woohoo?
Wilde: You know it, baby.
Yusun: Ugh, who’s diaper is that?
Sasha Ursine: That would be your daughter, Trinity’s. Oh, it smells like a llama crawled in her diaper and died!
Wilde: I get lost in your eyes. And I feel my spirits rise. And I soar like the wind. Is this love that I am in?
Sasha: Oh, gag me with a spoon, Wilde. You think my sister is dumb enough to fall for that?
That’s Wilde for you. Totally ripping off a Debbie Gibson song.
Wilde: I can still smell that foul diaper.
Yusun: Shh, lay down and let Momma make you feel better.
Momma? GRRRRROOOOOSSSSS!!!!! I need to bleach my eyes because I wrote/read that!
After time well spent with Yusun Wilde went home to plan a party. And it looks like Monika has decided to start robbing the cradle.
And this is probably a good thing considering Edmond was taking his father’s sloppy seconds.
Before the party started Wilde invited Lisa (Bunch)McGraw over for a quick jump in the sack.
Wilde: Is that something hanging out of your nose?
Lisa: Are you bothered by it?
Wilde: Not at all.
During Wilde, Lisa and the booger’s threesome Bebe Hart gave birth.
And after, while Lisa was in the bathroom, Wilde and Bebe Hart banged the headboard against the wall. Jared Frio walked in when they had just finished.
Jared: WILDE! You’ve been sleeping with my wife! (His wife is Tori (Kimura) Frio).
Wilde: Which one is your wife again? Oh yeah, I’m sleeping with your daughter too. (Yusun)
Wilde then calmly walked over to Jared and asked him to leave.
Wilde: Look Jared, I need you to leave right now. I’m in the middle of a party and I just can’t have an enemy moodlet right now. We’ll talk later.
Jared: Oh okay, I’ll just go then. Maybe I’ll run you down in my shiny new car!
Ayesha: YES! My turn is next!
And I kid you not before Jared left I got a pop up that said he had a legendary time at the party! I didn’t get a pic of it because I fail. And then he boo’d Wilde in the face!
By the way Tori (Kimura) Frio turned elder. So the couple can live out their elderly lives together and raise Wilde’s children.
Morgana Wolff and Monika Morris also became elders. And Nancy Landgraab died.
Wilde decide to take the opportunity to do a little bragging.
Wilde: Do you know that right now all of you ladies are carrying my children?
Yusun: Plumbob, I’m hungry. I must have a parasite or something…
Jared decided to stay during the party after all. He danced until his back gave out.
Jared: Do the loco-motion with me. You gotta swing your hips now. Come on, come on. Do the loco-motion with me. Yeah.
Jared: Oh dear, I felt something pop.
Jared: OH! That’s it, I can’t move. Could someone help me get to a chair? Or, or just down to the floor would be fine too…anyone?
Wilde had a private moment in the bathroom and became and elder. And I guess he glitched, I can not use the hair he had as an adult for his elder stage. It irks me! This hair style makes him look like a cheap Wilde intimation. And there are way too many stripes in this picture.
Wilde: Yeah, I’ve still got it.
Let’s hope Wilde doesn’t suffer from any other sort of “dysfunction.”
Wilde came out of the bathroom to find Jared passed out on the floor and Ayesha still dancing long after everyone else had gone home. She better have twins or triplets, triplets would be good.
Wilde: Douche bag! Hey, Douche, time to go home.
Jared: Nah, I’m good right here. Zzzzzzz…
Ayesha: Woo! Paaaartay!
It’s ridiculous! This party stared at 2:00 and it’s now midnight and three sims show no sign of
tiring going home.
Ayesha, stop vogueing go home already!
The following picture baffles me. Lisa had been in the bathroom for a while. I checked on her thinking she needed resetting.
Why is she naked staring at the toilet thinking about money?!?! One can only imagine what she must do for money.
Lisa: Oh wait, this isn’t a public restroom!
Oh no. He’s going to pee in the hot tub!
Jared: Hehehe, no one’s looking…
Oh! It’s worse, much worse!!!
Jared: *naked spin*
Get out! Getoutgetoutgetoutgetout. GET OUT!!!!!!!!!111one!!!
Jared: Ahhhhh, this hat tub feels so good on my danglies.
I sent Wilde to the treadmill hoping his guests would take a hint. Look! I was able to fix his hair! Who knew that deleting all those cache files would fix my problem!
Then finally Lisa decided to leave. And I though Jared was also leaving, but when he saw the buffet table he instead grabbed a plate and decided to mow down.
Jared: I’ll come back for some cookies later.
Kaylynn (Langerak) Landgraab gave birth to a girl:
Jared is a seriously nasty old man. He kept going from the hot tub to the buffet and back again.
And at 3:00 am Ayesha finally decided it was time to go home to her children. Good riddance!
Ayesha: I better go home now. I forgot I have kids.
Choke on it an die, Jared!
But finally Jared did decide to leave.
Jared: *sigh* I could get used to this view.
No! Go home! Wilde hurry and lock the door!
Finally it was Monday morning and with it came the birth of a son:
Since Wilde became an Elder I decided to move Derrick in. In case Wilde dies on me before all of his children are born.
This will give Derrick and Wilde a chance to get to now each other, because right now they are enemies. Not that he spends much time at home, I have him running all over just to stay out of the house. I could have him throw a bunch of twin parties while Wilde woo’s the ladies, but that’ would be cheating. 😦
And as Wilde and Kaylynn were knocking da boots
Dorie Hart died. She was elderly and useless anyway. Emma Hatch is now old and useless…
After Kaylynn got dressed Wilde asked her to leave and called Darlene Bunch. Then I tried to make sure Derrick would be away from th house until after Wilde got her pregnant, but I was distracted by this zombie!
Really, that is a freaky looking glitch! I think I need to keep this picture. Check out the clothes too! Perfect! She just need to have have half her cheek missing and an arm hanging off.
Really it’s the product of half siblings Fay VanWatson and Jeff French glitching out together. Note to both: Do not attempt incest!
So let me share a lullaby my daughter Emily sang to me not too long ago: Go to swee-heep. You will dweam what you wuh-hike. Just don’t let the zombies bite you-hoo. Yes, that is a lullaby. Don’t have nightmares!
And here they are as separate entities again.
Faye: Searching for nirvana…
Uh oh, the last person to find nirvana died soon after she lost her body. Learn from Zelda’s mistake and go back to work.
With this distraction I forgot to give Derrick something to do. When I got back to Wilde’s place I saw this.
FACT: I now hear the lullaby before the act is actually started. Wilde and his woman will still be on top of the sheets when I hear it.
Tuesday early in the AM Madison (VanWatson) Bachelor had a daughter:
And Pauline’s eggs dried up when she became an elder… D: Good-bye Pauline, you were my favorite, but now you may as well be dead.
Bella gave birth to a son:
Wilde invited Bella over for a cuddle and ….
Bella: Hands off! I just had a baby, You can wait until the stitches are gone!
Wilde tried hitting her with the moodlet manager, but it did not work…
Wilde: Whaaat? You’re supposed to be putty in my elder hands by now.
Bella: Stitches! I…have…STITCHES!!!! Touch me again and loose that hand.
So Wilde asked her to leave. She’s about to transition to her Adult life stage anyway, she probably can’t get preggers.
Wilde: Turning 50 isn’t that bad, Bella. Look you go home and have your birthday and I’ll see you again after. We can…catch up…
Bella: 50! I’m turning 30!
Notice the baby in the background outside on the grass.
Bella: (thinking) Maybe I should get some Botox.
After Bella picked up her child and left the maid came in to clean up.
Maid: Hey, Wilde. Is my turn yet?
Wilde: Marry someone in town and we’ll talk.
Maid: I’ll be in here scrubbing the toilet, Big Boy.
Yeeeah… That’s not hot. In fact Wilde drew a blank.
Wilde invited Madison (VanWatson) Bachelor over for some scrumpin. She came over in her Mary Kay car.
Madison: Oh Wilde, I really hope this is the year I get my pink Mary Kay car!
Wilde: Whatever, I don’t care. Let’s hit the hot tub.
And they did. They actually sat in the hot tub where Jared soaked his ‘danglies.’ Well, they did more than just sit in there. It was beyond gross.
Madison: Want to see how long I can hold my breath?
Then Wilde got out of the hot tub and lost his bladder!
Wilde: Err uhh, I think it’s time for you to leave now.
After Madison left Wilde called River (McIrish) Landgraab who Wilde another son:
As I was waiting for River to show up I noticed this happening across the street.
I don’t know, it looked more like a bitch-slap to me.
Looks like Wilde has some competition:
Ethan Bunch is such a looser.
Wilde as invited to a party at Holly Alto’s place which he accepted. He didn’t realize it was a birthing party.
Holly: Time to push out this baby. VJ and Mom, I need you to dance and scream like your feet are on fire.
VJ: I feel it! Oh hot. Hot, hot HOT!
In other areas of the home the school aged children were calmly doing other things. What horror have these children seen to have turned their hair gray so young?
Lee Alto: Dear Tory Ursine, I know you’re my half brother, but true love can’t be stopped…
And while everyone was downstairs Wilde snuck away to check out the house.
Wilde: Hmm, pretty painting.
Wilde stole it…
What a bastard.
And outside he ran into Monika Morris, who looks to be suffering from some zombie-like affliction.
Wilde: Oh hey, Monika. This is award…
Holly finally had her baby so I sent Wilde back inside.
Look he takes after his daddy, already winking at the ladies. And LOL at Vita Alto’s face!
Keven: This ones for the ladies: Goo. Yeah.
Vita: Oops, I just crapped my pants!
Vita: Keven’s not the only one needing a diaper change.
Looks like Monika has a taste for young ones.
Tracy Alto: Mommy!
I sent Wilde to the bar for a quick drink before trying to woohoo Holly. When he got there we were both surprised by what greeted him. What kind of party is this?!
Hot girl on girl action it is not! I guess we know where those two are headed next…
Giving up on the drink I sent Wilde to try for a woohoo with Holly. I guess she didn’t like being woken up because she was not willing to put out. But who goes to sleep during their own party, really! Rude!
Holly: No, no. Not now, I just gave birth and I’m sooo tired.
Wilde: I guess I’ll leave then.
Wilde left and went to Sandi (French) Alvi’s house. On his way there Illiana died and Ayesha gave birth.
Ayesha disappointed me with her single child birth. She should have given Wilde twins at least!
At Sandi’s house Wilde had her in bed in no time at all. She even wore her shoes to bed. Kinky!
Wilde: Just don’t stab me with one of those things, okay?
And before Wilde went home for the nightly treadmill marathon another child was born:
Wednesday morning started off with Wilde’s neighbor, Yusun checking the mail in her pajamas. Before she could get her pregnant but inside and in a robe she went into labor.
She gave birth to her son on the front lawn. Not like he won’t end up on the lawn at some point during his infant stage so he may as well get used to it.
Wilde of course decided now was the time to strike.
Yusun: Hi, Wilde, I just had this baby and I really need to get to the bathroom to clean up.
Yusun: Oh no! I’m not going to make it!!!
Wilde: You just pee’d on that baby.
Wesley: WAAAAAA! Why am I wet? WAAAAAA!
Yusun: I smell disgusting!
Lisa (Bunch) McGraw gave Wilde another child:
I get a lot of skipping school notices and usually I just ignore them, but this one caught my attention.
Dammit, Edgar! Get your ass to school already!
Jocasta Bachelor died.
Aaaaand climbing the stairs was too much for Wilde.
Wilde: Damn this elderly bladder!
Even toxic stink isn’t enough to keep Wilde away from his target.
Yusun: I wet myself, Wilde.
Wilde: So did I. So did I…
Rule number one in child safety: Baby gates.
Wait, what? Who needs to waste their money on a baby gate?
A couple quick shots of the school. Here is the front of the school:
And this is Cancer Corner where all the naughty kids go to smoke,
Bebe Hart had her child:
Wilde strutted his way over to Kaylynn (Langerak) Landgraab’s house. She came outside and blubbered all over Wilde about the death of her mother.
Kaylynn: Blub-blub-blub, my mother died. Blub-blub-blub…
Wilde: Awe… Let me take the pain away for about 5-7 minutes (if we’re lucky).
And you guessed it! Another child had to witness their parents woohoo. There isn’t going to be a sane child left in this town.
Erica Landgraab: *crawls inside herself and finds another personality*
Let’s hope when Erica is older she learns it is socially unacceptable to go around without a top on.
And just so you know just how bad the lag is now. When Wilde was finished with Kaylynn it was already 7:00 pm. He went to her place right after he shtooped Yusun at 7:00 am. For hose of you that can’t count that’s 12 sim hours!!!! *pulls hair*
Next Wilde headed over to Bebe Hart’s place. The game was running much smoother since I came back into is with deleted cache files again.
Amazing! This baby knew how to use the elevator! And Wilde looks like he’s about to grab some fat woman’s butt.
Isaac hart: Do-di-do, Just going about my business. My Biz-NAZ!
This is Cyrus Hart and he thinks he is carrying around a baby. I thought only women did that…
Cyrus Hart: *baby voice* Who’s a good baby? You are, you are! Yes, you are!
Cyrus followed Wilde upstairs and ever so gently placed invisa-baby on the floor.
Hmmn… Nope, still no baby.
Wilde tried being friendly with Jonah Hart.
Jonah: Are you talking about your noodle-like arms?
Wilde tried another tactic.
Wilde: Have you ever arm wrestled upside-down?
Jonah: Please, I would snap your calcium deprived wrist like a wishbone from thanksgiving five years ago.
Failing Wilde went over and put the moves on Bebe and EVERYONE had something to say about it.
Talk about a hostile environment. Hey look, there really was a baby after all!
Wilde: As long as no one tries to nap in the bed (there is only one) that’s all I care about.
Nora hart: Oh jeez! I went to the toilet for a minute! I guess I’ll go do my homework.
Nora Hart: Sickos.
While Wilde impregnated Bebe for the 5,000th time I decided to scope out the town. When I found Mortimer, I blessed him with a makeover.
Looking much better.
Wilde and Bebe finished up about 10:00, which left him time to get at least two more sims pregnant before 3:00 am. He called Holly Alto, but she isn’t returning his phone calls. I think it’s shame. After all she sis have everyone over to witness her give birth and you know they all saw her hooha (<– look I made up a word)! Then he met Ayesha Ansari at City Hall for a romp in the judge’s chambers. As soon as Wilde walked through the doors she turned around and said she was tired and needed rest. Bitch! What is going on! It seems the ladies don’t like an elderly Wilde. Poor, poor Wilde. I may have to start using Derrick Jolina to lure them over…
Blair Wainwright-Sekemoto did come home with Wilde and they had some fun in the tainted hot tub.
Thursday morning after a quick workout and shower Wilde ran to City Hall for a tour. You see River (Langerak) Landgraab works there, hence she can not escape the baby making. Bwahah Bwahah BWAHAHAHAH!
Then Wilde drove over to Holly Alto’s place. She was in a much more agreeable mood.
Holly: That was most agreeable. Thank you ever so much, Mr. Oates, now please leave.
Wilde: I was on my way out anyway.
Wilde decided to drop by the Ansari-Frio home. The Ansari-Frio couple have broken up by now. And by the looks of this picture Ayesha has changed the locks.
Funny, Wilde had no problem getting through the door and into the bedroom.
Just before Ayesha and Wilde did the wild thing Darlene gave birth to a daughter:
Ayesha gave me no baby jingle. I checked her status and she was due to become and elder. What a waste!
So before he left I sent him in to break the toilet.
Wilde: Gaahhh! I hate it when a women lies about her age!
Wilde then drover over to Bella (Bachelor) Sekemoto’s place and hit that.
Wilde: Let’s make this quick. I need to take a leak.
Bella: Excuse me?
From there Wilde went home and spent the night on the treadmill while Derrick slept in his bed.
Friday morning I noticed Brittney Morris was now a young adult and working at the Studio Lot. What a coincidence that Wilde decided to take a tour of the Studio that morning! Fate!
Wilde left the studio with Brittney pregnant and demoted. Oops!
At this point all of the women in town were pregnant except Lisa (Bunch) McGraw and her sister Darlene Bunch. Lisa was at work so Wilde patiently waited outside her office building.
Wilde: B.O. Check. *sniffs* Ahhh, Still fresh…
Gross. I wonder if he checks his underwear for freshness the same way.
While Wilde was busy waiting for Darlene to exit the building I found Mortimer Goth. It seems he still isn’t over the whole ‘Bella Betrayed Me’ bit.
Mortimer: Why, Bella, why?
Here’s a better shot of his makeover. Maybe he, like Bella, will now find true love.
Mortimer: I need to get laid.
And Friday means we need an end of the week shot of the school.
It’s like trying to guess how many jelly beans are in the jar!
Madison (VanWatson) Bachelor gave Wilde another son:
oh look who left work through the other door! That’s alright, that’s Wilde’s car there behind her. You can run, but you can’t hide! I feel like woohoo shots are becoming increasingly boring so I’ve skipped those pictures.
After Lisa and Wilde made a baby I sent him to the theater where Madison was. I guess, Madison was a little disappointed because she ran out of the theater crying. I never heard the lullaby. 😦
Madison: I feel so violated!
Oh, go home and cry about it!
Victoria Andrews died, so long Wilde used up all your eggs anyway.
And then I got this pop up which made me LOL.
That would be because she’s dead! Sheesh!
Wilde was invited to another party and considering how the last one went I was a little nervous. Would this one also be a birthing party? Where there going to be old ladies macking on each other?
Looks like I had nothing to worry about.
Wilde: Hey, guys. Where’s the party?
Because this ‘party’ was a funeral for a goldfish…
Megan Landgraab: *crying* Bye bye, Nugget. You were the best pet ever! (Get it, Nugget. Gold Nugget! Yeah, it was lame…)
Look who was creeping on the front porch.
Tom: *deep baritone* Hey, is Wilde here? I heard Wilde was going to be here. Can I come in? Hello?!
Interesting fact: Morgana Wolff is a dentist.
River: Can you make my smile whiter? Also, is there anything you can do about my halitosis?
Wilde left the funeral early to pork Darlene Bunch. Darlene is never a disappointment, she’s as easy as Pauline Wan.
Darlene: Let’s get it on already!
Once they were finished Wilde went home to spend the rest of the night on his treadmill. On his way there Sandi French-Alvi gave birth to a boy.
Funny how this is just now news. Really, where have these people been Wilde has fathered the whole town!
Saturday morning and the last day of the week Wilde ran over to Sandi French-
Alvi’s house and they played hide the sausage.
Bed: *violent squeaks*
Here is a shot of all her children (there is one more outside):
That place is pretty packed for a one bedroom, one bathroom house.
Yusun gave birth. Guess where Wilde is headed to next!
Wilde and Yusun snuck out around the back of the house for a short stolen moment before sneaking up stairs to the bedroom.
Once there Yusun feigned shyness and jumped out of the bed.
Wilde: Where are you going, baby? No need to be shy, I know you’re a sure thing.
She ran outside just to place baby Wesley on the grass then ran back p to the bedroom where Wilde was waiting. Crazy!
Leroy: Mommy put you outside too? Are we in trouble?
Once Yusun returned to the bed she and Wilde were able to continue with their ‘business.’ While that was happening Kaylynn (Langerak) Landgraab had a girl:
Bebe hart gave birth:
Kaylynn was busy showing her new daughter off at the bar so I sent Wilde over to Bebe Hart’s place. He had quiet a time trying to get her into bed.
Wilde: Don’t even think about it kid. Your mother and I have dibs on the bed.
I had to tell Brook (in the purple) and Jonah (blue boxers) to get out of the bed before I could get Wilde and Bebe in it. Then when they were finally able to ‘relax’ Bebe went to sleep!!!! I woke her ass up!
Wilde: Girl, I can’t believe you tried to go to sleep like that on me. You know my time is precious.
Bebe: Oh, I’m sorry, Wilde. I just had another baby and I am just exhausted.
Wilde: You can stay awake for two more minutes and let me do my thing. Then I’ll be on my way.
That Wilde is such a gentleman!
After I heard the lullaby it was time for Wilde to go home and spend the night running on the treadmill.
At the end of Week Seven Wilde’s age was 79 and he had a total of 205 children. I have given up on having twin parties because they are no longer working. I guess my town is over populated or something. O.o
Here’s is a look at Wilde’s family tree. It gives me a headache.
The following teens became young adults. Here they are after their makeovers. (In no particular order, Wildes’s children age randomly). Again, if you are interested leave a comment and I will upload them. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!
Brendon Landgraab (needs chest hair and gold medallion)
Lisa Lobe Carisa McIrish
Justin Bieber Arturo Mae